ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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