if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
