My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
