pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
