The maid of honor just puked.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize