im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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