You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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