"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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