Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
