No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
