You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do herpes really smell.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
