it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
