I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
