i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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