i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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