You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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