My first STD was from a foam party
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
