I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
