Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
