When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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