I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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