Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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