SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
