Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
