and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
