she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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