You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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