this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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