We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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