I am midnight drunk by noon
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
