I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
