Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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