just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
