you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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