We're like a lot better than the average bears
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
