I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
