Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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