Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
