I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize