I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
