So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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