While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
