Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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