I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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