loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
