bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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