we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Of course I have a pirate flag
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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