I'm going to jail i love you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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