my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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