Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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