i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize