a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He shit in the fireplace
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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