How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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