on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
