I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
