How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
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No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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