ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
