Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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